HAPPY NEW YEARS :)

wasnt the best tho

wow. best anniversary ever.

NOT. :(

searching for a way back to your heart

i'll cry silently...

on my own

there maybe other girls around you
but let me the only one in your heart baby <3

I heard something I did not want to hear, I did not want to know.
So I lie awake at night with tears falling down my eyes.
I curl up in a ball, knees near my chest, near my heart that you have hurt.
The heart which was once whole, now broken.
A sigh escaped my mouth and silently, I sobbed.
I turned the other way and water from my eyes fell.
The dry pillows where my head rested were stained with wet tears.
I grasped the covers with all my might and closed my eyes.
As the lid of my eyes came into a close, the flashbacks of the happy times we had came into view.
When you first said the words I love you.
When you first held me close, held my hands, never to let go.
When you first leaned towards me and took the very first kiss of my life.
When you first made love to me.
As it all filled my thoughts, a new set of tears fell like there was no stop to it.
Because, I knew I missed those times. I wished they would come back.
I wanted to cry out loud. Shout at the world for being so unfair. Shout at you for making me feel this way.
But I didn’t. I held it in.
Then as I opened my eyes, the flashbacks faded into the background and reality came into me.
You have lied to me, things are different, and never again be the same as it used to be.
And as I cried silently, I faced your back, watching your sleeping form.
Watching your chest go up and down as you breathe, hearing your soft snore.
What hurts the most is that I’m right here beside you and yet, you don’t know I’m hurting.
You don’t know that my cheeks were wet with tears. And your hands were not there to wipe them away.
You don’t realized how much you have hurt me, how much you’ve broken my fragile heart.

And to think that you promised to never do.

i miss you..
the person you used to be...
the person who i fell inlove with...

its going and it's all because of me.
it hurts :(

one day, you make me happy.

the next day, you break my heart to a million pieces that it cant equal to the happiness anymore.

meh

COD WAS CHOSEN OVER ME ON MY ANNIVERSARY. NICE.

i miss him
i wonder if he feels the same way.

stabbed in the heart yesterday :(
ima just stop :(

in truth, i really feel down as you let me down.
i wanted to really spend the day with you even but still you left me
i cried for a bit but i fought it and stopped it.
i dont know what to think anymore.
i dont know what to do.
i dont want to say something.
because i know you'll only say something different.

sighs sighs sighs.
i feel like you've stabbed me.

i hate youu.
i hate that you changed.
i hate that sometimes you seem like you dont care.
i hate how sometimes you make me feel alone.
make me feel sadness. make me cry
but why is it that despite all these
i still am with you.. loving you.

trying my hardest to be strong outside (:

how can you hate but love the person at the same time :(
and no matter if they do this ONE thing that you hate the most
you cant seem to let go of them
because you love or like them so much.

i really wish that i didnt stop talking
myabe i could have stopped you :(

do you still care about me?
do you?
tell me if you do please?
cos i would rather you break it off than
just staying with me with it gone.
it hurts more that you are lying to me
if you are anyway.

yes im scared to ask you
cos i know that if i ask you
you would assume that its me who has lost those feelings

but guess what?
you i havent
its there
always
in my heart
cos you know what?

idk when
idk where
but you
already have
stolen my heart

i love you so much. that it hurts a lot.
heaps.

i hate the fact that i know what's going to happen
and yet i still hope of the opposite.

idk.
you make me happy one time
then let me down the next.

somteimes
all i want to do is give up.
but something always stops me from doing so.

a wish upon a star

sometimes it makes me think.
should i go on
when i dont see you trying.
should i still laugh
when my heart is really crying

fighting those tears.

it's frightening.

knowing that sometime.
maybe tomorrow, later or now
you're already gone
and left my heart in the cold.

so tell me now,
before it's too late
and it freezes to death.

let me know
so i can pick it up
and warm it up myself.

sometimes it makes me think.
should i go on
when i dont see you trying.
should i still laugh
when my heart is really crying

fighting those tears.

it's frightening.

knowing that soemtime.
maybe tomorrow, later or now
you're already gone
and left my heart in the cold.

so tell me now,
before it's too late
and it freezes to death.

let me know
so i can pick it up
and warm it up myself.

sometimes i wonder if he still have the same feelings for me :(
i hope yes, because my feelings never fades.

i love him.
if not love, then i like him a lot.
i hope he shows it more even though i know that he's not that type of guy.

this blog was suppose to be for the story how i met him
how we got together
and how we are spending time with eachother.
to keep the memory perhaps
or just to share it.
i have no idea.

but right now.
this storyy keeps going.
i dont want it to have an ending.
meaning i dont want us to be not 'together'

but sometimes, i feel like
wer parting in a way.
idk. sometimes i think this is just dream and
it doesnt seem real.

i dont want an ending.
i want a forever.
is that possible?


why does it seem like i worry and cry more
when i am with him?
is it maybe because the fear of loosing him
is much more stronger now
because he is with me.
and when i didnt like him.. he wasnt so it didnt hurt as much.

i really do hope.. it doesnt end :(
its just started.
it wasnt even for long.
i want a forever.
is it a possibility?

The start, a new beggining.

I started attending the new campus(the bigger one) last February.
Normal school life. nothing special.
Everyday, chatting with friends, attending lessons and having awesome grades in tests and assignments.
Yes, its been boring. The same routine everyday, nothing changed no challenges.
Until something happened that made it all as interesting as ever.

Firstly, i hated my class at the start of the year but as time passed, i came to like it.
love it even. They're very fun and funny people.
But no, my story isn't about them. My story is about a boy, a guy that i met in the most unexpected way.

One thing you should know, i loose a lot of things.
I lost my ipod on the train while im on the way to school.
I trip on nothing, one time i tripped while throwing something in the bin or running on flat ground.
Embarrassing.

Another thing, most important for me, is my wallet. I loose it a lot of times. A LOT. not once, not twice not even thrice!

That's right, this is where i start my story about this guy. My wallet.

I've lost my wallet a ton of times and it always came back to me. pretty lucky i know! but this time, it wasn't really me who lost it. It was hidden by a friend. (Maybe i should thank him now! tehee)

Having found out that my best friend is in the same IT class as me, i was ecstatic! i was thrilled as ever. Every time in IT we would muck around and email each other even if we're already next to each other. Not only, that we have fun but other people like to make fun of me! (not in a bad way. just joking and all)

My friend while i wasn't looking hid my wallet behind the computers. My other friend knew but she didn't tell me! I did not realize at all that my wallet was missing! well, until the subject ended and i went to my locker finding that my wallet was nowhere in sight!

I asked around if anyone has seen my wallet and i was starting to panic like i always do! but in my heart, i was hoping that it would come back to me or someone would just come up and say they were joking !
BUT. it didn't happen.

My other friend told me that it was hidden behind the computers since she saw my friend put it there. So she came with me and ran to the IT room we just had our lesson in.
There was already a class in there and i didn't know what to do anymore.
i think i was hyperventilating! and about to cry. TT_TT

My other friend asked the teacher and so the teacher asked the students!
but no one knew. sadly.
I was outside the door crying/teary and saw this GUY have like a brownish thing on his hand.
He was talking to his friend and when they both kind of saw me, not known to them that i was looking, shoved it in.

First. I thought it was my wallet.
Second. What if isnt?! i can't tell the teacher. sighs.
Third. My mum is going to kill me. It's a GUESS wallet.

The GUY who shoved the brown thing in his bag, ran out of the classroom to get the roll.
And his other friend just sat down.
So, since the teacher asked again and showed that i was crying/teary but no one said that they saw it.
So, i decided to leave it at that. I just left the room and started to cry.

My other friend who was with me told me to tell the co-ordinators but i didn't.
For some odd reason. i had a GUT feeling that it was that GUY who took it.
But wasn't sure and thought i should not jump into conclusions.
And for some reason, i didn't want him to get in trouble and just give it back.
Besides, if i told the co-ordinators, my friend would be in trouble for hidning it away.

So i went home and well, tried to come up with a plan on how to tell my mum.
I went home, logged into MYSPACE (facebook then was not yet popular)
Then BAM!

TBC